by J. O'Shields II
Ever been so busy that you fell down?
Take a moment and digest the question thoroughly while I prattle on and attempt
to draw a line of reason to this dot of idiocy.
It's no secret that I am an adult student.
That simply means I am old and refuse to give up pursuing higher education.
Part of the kit and caboodle here is that I am busy. I do not refer to your
generic "have so much to do today" level of busy but an
all-encompassing, "save my life I'm going down for the last time"
brand of bat-shit crazy busy.
First class is around 9am. I need 2
hours to wake up and become human in the morning so I am up by 7. Just kidding.
I hit snooze about 9 times so I get up around 8:30 and then rush and fuss and
hurriedly try to shower and dress and maintain hygiene before racing out the
door and playing "find the five-o" all the way to the campus. I
manage to keep up with classes while I continue to wake up and usually by
slightly after noon, when my last class ends each day, I am just awake enough
to go get coffee and do some homework before the "until I graduate"
job begins. I fake my way through 6-8 hours of preening, self-entitled
customers and go home to finish what remains of my homework. That is generally
around midnight. Sometime around three a.m. I get to sleep and repeat. This is
the bare minimum 5 days a week.
So today I had a professor that
decided we don't need algebra on this momentous Thursday (I do not know the
reason nor do I require a reason to skip maths) so it was my intention to sleep
later than usual. I even went to bed slightly earlier than is typical since I
did not have to sit up fondling exponents and reciting nonsense about Aunt
Sally. And that should have been a good thing. But one may have noticed that
when one alters a mindless schedule, the revision will rarely include all that
was intended. In short, I failed to set my alarm last night.
So I awoke without sound.. This is
acceptable as I do occasionally wake moments before my alarm. I lay there
thinking, "I have outwitted sleep and regained consciousness before the
dreaded sound of my phone screaming me to life. But then I noticed the curtains
did little to cloak the sunlight. That is odd for my region at such an early
hour. I fumbled about the nightstand and found my phone. Plugged in. Good.
Powered on. Good. After nine a.m.. Not as good. I grumbled and then stopped to
remind myself that I was alive and nothing hurt and my day was likely to
contain friends and family and some new piece of knowledge that would continue
to mold me.
Yes, I am my own spin doctor.
So, we come to the apex of our tale.
I swung my legs over the side and hopped down to stand beside the bed. So far
so good. Then I remembered I had not packed my books the night before, I had
not done laundry, I had forgotten to get either a haircut or hair product to
mask my need for a haircut. Gasp! I was doomed. I had a full 3 hours worth of
pointless nonsense to accomplish and half that time to accomplish it. As is my
nature, I immediately told myself to hurry and begin at the top of my list at
once. "take a step forward", shouted the brain to the legs and feet.
And the legs and feet replied with a hearty, "Huh?"
I was watching the wood floor rush
toward me. I remember looking at my hands to see if they had been alerted by
the pain centers that we were facing a certain impact. The hands did not flinch
to help nor did the knees bend or the hips rotate. In fact, for all the falls
I've taken, not one of the adequately trained safety measures of my person leap
to action. Instead I hit the floor already laughing. I wasn't hurt. it is my
conviction that skateboards and mountains and automobiles have rubbed callouses
on the interior of my dermis and I am shielded from within against simple
damage. But I did laugh well as I got up. More slowly, I moved out of the
bedroom and toward the bathroom to begin my ritual. And I reminded myself with
each well thought out step, "Don't get ahead of yourself, bud."
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