by Patrick Haynes
What do you think of when you think of
PC Technician? You might be imagining a woman holding a flashlight while peering
into a computer case to find the source of an electrical failure. Perhaps you
see a man installing crisp blue LED fans alongside a custom window panel for a
gaming PC or struggling on a keyboard to troubleshoot a blue screen of death on
an old copy Windows 98. Although these tasks come with the job, entering
foreign territory and encountering strange new situations redefine the expected
roles within the field in unexpected ways.
One role that PC Technicians might have
is that of the detective. After I arrived on the scene, my “suspect” said, “Sure
you know what you’re doing, slick? This computer done leaked all the oil out
the engine. Now, I know I didn’t have anything to do with that mess, so it must
be on account of you. I for damn sure ain’t gonna pay to fix it.”
As I do offer free repairs if assembly
issues exist, I wouldn't have a problem complying. However, something bothered
me about the way the issue was described. First, a computer contains no engine.
Therefore, an engine leaking oil wouldn't be feasible. Second, the only oil
within the entire system would be found covering the ball-bearings located
inside the fans. If removed, this amount of oil wouldn't be enough to grease a
standard marble. Besides, there were only three fans total within the case, so
there wouldn't be enough oil to leak or pool. On inspection of the PC, I noted
a sweet smell that reminded me of something.
I removed the side panel to find a clue
in the form of a resinous layer of a dark amber liquid coating the bottom of
the case. The substance climbed up the internal walls, coated the graphics
card, and slipped through the top-mounted exhaust fan. On the outside of the
case, right next to the top exhaust, there was a slight residue that looked as if
something had been partially wiped up. Returning to the inside of the case, I
put my finger into the viscous resin and brought a bit of the substance to my
tongue. At that moment, I had solved the case. It was none other than Dr.
Pepper.
Another role that PC technicians might
take on is that of the animal rights activist. After arriving to correct a
failed Windows boot, I noticed that the PC was inside of a large aquarium. The
case had a 3-inch diameter hole crudely made in the bottom right side panel. In
the aquarium, urine-soaked wood chips and feces surrounded the computer and led
inside the hand-made entrance. A mixture of the excrement coated the edges of
the hole and discolored the metallic finish. Near the discolorations were
splotches of fresh blood. The sides of the hand-carved tunnel had a visibly sharp
edge to them.
From this pathway, a small mouse ran out
and left a small trail of blood. The mouse had bloody feet, and its body was
missing tufts of fur. As I looked over the mouse, I heard something caught in
one of the case’s internal fans and saw a clump of mouse fur blow out the
exhaust port. Then, five more mice ran outside of the case. Each mouse had
bloody feet, bruises on the ears and legs, and inflamed bald spots. The last
mouse to exit limped out and rolled onto its side as if to rest.
After I questioned the owner about the
condition of the mice, he said the following:
Nobody gives a fuck ‘bout them damn
mice, boy. This backroom gets icy as hell ‘round this time of year. It’s not
like I can afford to heat every fuckin’ room in the house. The little shits are
lucky I keep this PC runnin’ 24/7 so my snake can have a warm meal come feed
time.
I argued that even though the mice would
indeed die, he was endangering the snake as well as the mice because of the avalanche
of bacterial growth fueled by cascades of excrement coating the daily reopened
wounds on the mice’s feet.
In response, a broad ridge carved its
way across his forehead, and his eyes narrowed. Then, he marched toward me,
stopped a foot away, and said, "Get your animal lovin' sissy queer ass out
my damn house." This event prompted me to leave and call the only group I
could think of to handle the situation: the ASPCA. The representative assisted
me in filing a report over the phone. Within six days, I received a courtesy
call from the organization. They expressed their gratitude for reporting the
issue and informed me that their investigation of the man’s property found 13
additional counts of animal abuse, which lead to his arrest.
Another role that PC Technicians might take
on is that of the psychologist. My client was explaining to me why he would be
unable to continue the payment plan for his daughter's PC when he started to
cry. I told him that we could go inside to talk about what's on his mind. The
first thing that he said was that he had a diagnosed gambling addiction and
that his condition was under control until the other day when he purchased a
scratch-off ticket. He mentioned that it was the first ticket he had bought in
5 years. I asked him why he purchased the ticket after already doing so well in
recovery.
After a moment, he said phrases such as,
“It was because I was doing so well
that I bought another ticket," and "I felt too strong for that
actually to become a problem again."
Afterward, we talked about how he went
back to the store later that day and bought 300 dollars of additional
scratch-offs, and how he was glad that his actions didn’t hurt his daughter. I looked
at him and said, “How do you think your daughter would feel if she knew that
you spent the money for her birthday present on yourself instead?” He started
sobbing again. Through his tears, he asked for an extension on the payment plan
and made a promise of double the expected payment. I declined and explained
that I wouldn’t let his daughter go without her birthday gift if he only
promised that he would put her first in his decision making in the future. It's
been another five years and that PC, although now old, is still running strong
along with the promise that he made.
Perhaps PC Technicians aren't
one-dimensionally skilled laborers after all, nor are any jobs involving such
an unpredictable factor as another human being. From solving a case using clues
or reporting an inhumane act against a snake's meal to listening to a man
struggling with his vices, the act of aiding people in their computer-related
woes becomes an experience that transcends the description of one who merely
works on computers.
