Lying Awake at Night

By Brooke Holley

Do you ever find yourself lying awake in bed during the wee hours of the morning? It’s at a time that’s too early to get up and begin your day but too late to really get much sleep anyways, just before the rays of early morning light come streaming in through your poorly covered window.

It’s at these times that I lay awake and think. It can be about some of the most complex things you could ever imagine, or it could be about some of the dumbest. With me, there’s really no in between.

One night, a few months ago, I came to the conclusion that there couldn’t possibly have been a beginning of the universe. I figured that Theists claim there must be a God, because nothing as complex and diverse as our planet could just pop into existence out of chance. Then, I figured that people of science claimed that there had to be a more definite answer than a God. 

Looking objectively at things, I considered all possibilities. I ignored my own bias towards science, because it would do me no good. Did I buy into The Big Bang? Of course. Could I easily discard that idea entirely if I found a single flaw in it? Without a doubt. And that’s exactly what I did.

There’s only a few laws and rules I actually know when it comes to science and all of that stuff. One of those laws is that matter cannot be destroyed nor created. So, everything that is stays. Sees become towering trees by transforming energy from soil, water, and sunlight into nutrients; which allow it to expand and grow. Matter isn’t being created, just changed into a different form.

If applied to everything in existence, there couldn’t be a beginning. The Big Bang no longer makes sense to me. An entire universe cannot expand from and infinitely dense point. If it’s infinitely dense, the universe doesn’t end. There for the idea that the universe is expanding only to suddenly stop one day and start shrinking is out of the question as well.

In my probably confused and mucky logic, I came to the conclusion that the universe has always been and will always be. Of course, it’s always changing. That’s never going to stop. The universe can never be destroyed and it can never grow. 

As humans we can’t seem to grasp the concept of there ever being a forever. We talk about it, sure. But we really don’t get it. We searched for answers, because we only know of beginning and ends. We all couldn’t possibly be content with the idea of God for forever, because it’s not in our nature. We are conceived, we live, and we die. There is a beginning and there is an end. It’s in everything we come into contact with.

What other things do I have to do in the early hours of the morning? Sleep? Pfft. Maybe next I’ll contemplate the meaning of life.